Ramadan, Day 0

On the authority of Abu Hurayrah [Ahmad and Nasa'i transmitted it.]

Allah's Messenger said, "Ramadan, a blessed month, has come to you during which Allah has made it obligatory for you to fast. In it the gates of Heaven are opened, the gates of al-Jahim are locked, and the rebellious devils are chained. In it Allah has a night which is better than a thousand months. He who is deprived of its good has indeed suffered deprivation." [Tirmidhi]

It seems impossible that an entire year has passed since the moon rose marking the ending of our last Ramadan. Through December and March July August, we marveled at how quickly our holy month was flying through the years of our western calendars. Through the blooms of April to the chill of January, Ramadan now begins in September and many among us are already nervous at the impending prospect of a month in the long summer hours spent fasting for our Lord, for the sake of our souls.

I thought through the last year, the anxious sleepless nights, the reformed friendships, the stress, the laughter, my friends’ weddings, my friends’ babies. subhanAllah, how amazing that another year has flown by and we’re blessed enough to stand on the threshold of yet another glorious, amazing opportunity to wipe our slates clean once more. With shaytaan locked away, the only thing left holding us back is the plaque with which he’s stained our hearts and the shadows of him that we’ve allowed into our habits, lives and, naudubillah, souls.

I walk to the bathroom and slowly make wudu, examining my dripping face in the mirror when I’m done. At 23, how many wrinkles have developed since the last time I took the time to repent? Picking up my dust-covered Quran, I recognize my faltering recitation and deteriorating tajweed. “This year, I will read at least one page of Quran every day,” I had said. Just a page. My stomach turns a bit and my cheeks blush with embarrassment, guilt and disappointment at myself. Depressed, I put my Quran away, wiping the cover with care, and lay down my janamaz to sit facing quibla. “This year, I will not miss a prayer. Ya Allah, forgive me for those that I have missed, both intentionally and unintentionally,” I had whispered into my wet palms, cupping the tears that had fallen and fallen and fallen off my face. Shameful.

I sit and, one by one, recount the resolutions I had made that seemed so simple at the time. “I will learn to control my anger, especially with my family,” “I will be more helpful around the house,” “I will make my parents happy.” How much had I accomplished? Given the time granted to me, an ENTIRE YEAR, how little I seem to have accomplished. Could I say for sure that I am a better person now than I was a year ago?

Another opportunity has fallen into my lap. Every day, I am given a chance at forgiveness by sincere repentance... with the prospect of another Ramadan, mountains of rewards are compounded to the deal. It is important to remember that the last days of Ramadan have not been promised to us; we’re blessed to reside through even a part of this month. Another chance, another opportunity, another cascade of mercy and blessings and love, another life is thrown to our path. The choice is ours, whether or not we take it.